8/20/2008

I should have written about this last week when it was more of a story, but Canada kind of screwed me lately because they realized how to get medals in the olympics. Right now they have 13. On Friday they had 0. It was really hilarious. I mean, no medals for a whole week of like 9000 events? You couldn't come in the top 3, Canada? You were living up to your expectation of just being America's hat, or America's Mullet, or my personal favorite, America's Dandruff. I guess, way to go Canada on getting a few medals. It's about freaking time.

8/19/2008

So the important people of our office decided that I would be put on the interview board. Essentially, when we get close to hiring someone at our office, we conduct several 30 minute interviews to get a consensus feel on the candidate. It was ok. I have never interviewed anyone and have actually only been interviewed one time myself. It was funny because at the end of the day we got together and we all discussed the guy that came in. I thought he was a good guy and seemed pretty smart. Then all the consultants in the room were making jokes about how the meeting went after we had interviewed. After hearing all the questions and seeing how we analyzed this guy, it made me wonder how the heck I ever got hired. I laughed during the process and told everyone I couldn't believe I got hired. Our office manager, Jeff, went around and asked everyone what they thought, and the consensus was that this guy was worth giving an offer to. Then we went around and rated him on a few things from 1-5. I had no idea this was a huge deal, but at the end his total was barely qualified. Heck, if this guy was barely qualified and has passed 3 exams, how the heck am I even employed? I had nothing. Literally, my resume was like a billion other's. Apparently, I must be a pretty good interview because that is the only explanation I could come up with. Dangit. I don't have anything to wear to work tomorrow. I could steam my pants right now...or wait til tomorrow...or go with wrinkled clothes on...or go buy a new pair of pants and a new shirt before work tomorrow...decisions, decisions. I don't know which is lazier, buying new clothes or going with wrinkled clothes on. Well, whatever I do tomorrow will be classified as the laziest....

8/18/2008

Well my weekend started off pretty fantastic because I left work at 11:30 a.m. to go golfing on Friday. The next 5 hours were pretty humbling and made me hate golf quite a bit. Sycamore Hills will do that to you. Friday night brought me to see the movie Stepbrothers. It was nothing short of hilarious. Well done Will Ferrell. Saturday started off rough and ended poorly as I couldn't putt to save my life. I'll spare you the boring details that 3 of you may actually have cared to read about. I shot an 82 and was in the mix as everyone else struggled due to some unforgiving pin placements. I woke up Sunday and felt good. I ended Sunday feeling very good because I shot a career round. I had no bogeys in my round and fired a 75. All I would have had to do was make one of the 4 putts under 4 feet that I missed over two days to force a playoff. Instead, I tied for 2nd place losing by one shot for the consecutive year. As a consolation, I won the Low-Net which pays out more money than 2nd place in the Low-Gross and gives me a bigger crystal trophy. I was close. 

Dear stupid people who call me on my home phone,

I am not interested in buying whatever it is your selling, and I have no reason to answer my phone when you call. If I decide to answer, please be so kind and hang up on me. This will save me the time of telling you I'm not interested and help you meet your quota of 9000 people you are supposed to contact in an hour. I mean, what is a good percentage for you? Like 1% success rate? Or do you hope you call someone who is high or wasted. That has to be your only hope of making a sale. Get a real job, and quit calling me.

Cordially yours,

Josh Doust 

8/15/2008

I'm either going to be happy come Monday because I golfed really well all weekend, or I am going to be in rare form bashing someone. I hope it's both. And then I'll pick up on making stupid returns on stocks again next week. I am kind of antsy to have our first loser, because it is giving me this false sense of hope that I could retire in about 6 months if this streak continues. I'll have returns up and all that jazz next week. I was too busy making money this week to do it. Oh, and don't come and ask me for financial advice. If I wanted to be a financial advisor or a broker, you would have already got an e-mail or letter begging for your business. I am in it to make money for myself and Winkler. We are comfortable with the volatility in what we are doing. You have to risk money to make money, but our risk management is what saves us long term, i.e. not putting your all your eggs in one basket no matter how good that basket looks.

And for the love of God, if I see one more statement from a girl saying they want to marry Michael Phelps....Yeah he's a good swimmer and has our country captivated right now. But come freaking on...guess what?!? Unless you are some knockout movie star, you have a McDonald's McFlurry's chance in hell of becoming Mrs. Phelps. Just go find a normal guy named Bob Smith and move on with your life and stop wasting your time. You are probably not hot enough, not rich enough, not athletic enough, and not smart enough to be the beneficiary of Sir Phelp's super-human offspring. Deal with it.

8/14/2008

If you like waking up each morning and reading my rants, you should tell one person today that doesn't read them that would probably enjoy them. I would hope that 50 million people tune in by the time I'm 25. I mean...I am a pretty big deal. My friend Andrew came up huge yesterday with a stock pick he made me wise of. PDO fattened Jeff and my trading accounts quite a bit yesterday. We had a pick yesterday and it made 3-4%, but we never bought any because it didn't get to the price we wanted. Not a problem with me because you have to be patient sometimes even though you will leave some profits out on the table.

Since I was so tired last night, I forgot to tell you about my time at Columbia Street Tuesday night. I was sitting on a stool next to a table of my friends. It's where we always sit every Tuesday night. Well, the stool I was sitting in is where the bouncers check IDs on the weekends and collect the cover charge. A couple people came in and started to grab their IDs. I motioned them to come on in. My friends told me I should actually check IDs for people that come in. A guy who was probably barely 21 comes in and looks at me and fumbles for his wallet. I gave him the finger point to come on in and apparently I looked awesome doing it because my buddies were all laughing. Next comes 3 good looking blondes. I motion I want to see their IDs. One starts to open her purse and take forever to try and find it. Then I told them that I don't even work there and they should come on in. On a ditz scale of 1-10, these girls qualified as 9.4's. There were a few more instances  I could talk about, but next week I am going to do it again and maybe even charge a $3 cover to go towards paying off the Josh Doust Weekend Fund. I could con those 3 blondes into giving me 2 $10 bills for a $5 bill.....wow they were clueless but easy on the eyes.... 

8/13/2008

And once again, Winkler makes a great pick. Another 8% profit on a trade. This is getting stupid. It's not supposed to be this easy. Oh well. If we can sustain this type of return, then I'll be the first to say I will be retiring in a year. Yeah, that's how ridiculous our return has been so far. Enough about money and more about how I don't sleep anymore. I used to be in bed by 11 and get 8 hours of sleep. Now I'm down to under 6 on most nights. Why? I have no idea. I just don't fall asleep. I get less sleep on the weekends because I always get up and play golf first thing Saturday morning. Sunday I usually sleep the longest but not anything crazy. Maybe I should just down a few shots at like 9, and then I would be out like a light by 10. Guess I know what I'm trying tomorrow....

8/12/2008

It's kind of funny when people lie. I mean what's not to like about a liar?!? I really love people who tell me they won't do something or will definitely do something and then totally not do what they said they would or wouldn't do. Geeze, just be honest and do what you say you're going to do. Either that, or just don't talk to me period. Both options are fine. Just don't suck at life.

So Sin City is only a month away from my 3rd trip in a year. If you think I'm not excited, then you are mistaken. On an anticipation scale of 1-10, I have been at a 10 since I left Vegas on March 9. It's easily the best place ever. I mean off the top of my head, my 5 favorite places are Las Vegas; Steamboat Springs, Colorado; Scottsdale, AZ; Petoskey, MI; and Notre Dame on a football Saturday. All 5 are solid places and would be a vacation destination on any weekend or long weekend. You know what else would be awesome? Being able to eat lobster and amazing dinners every night. Ok new goal before I'm 30: Be a scratch golfer and eat awesome dinners 4-5 times a week. Heck, I'll have that done by the time I'm 27. Bring it on life. I will take you down.

8/11/2008

Boy let me tell you what...I had a lot of things I wanted to talk about for today. Heck, I was planning on going to bed at 10 p.m. I turned on the Olympics just for kicks and giggles as I was about to write. A quote came on from the French 4x100m Freestyle Relay team saying that they weren't only looking forward to beating the Americans, but that they would smash them. Normally, I would turn the station in fear that Curtis Smith with ViperHD would interrupt it, kind of like he did the other night when I was trying to watch Conan. Actually, I DVR'd Conan so I could watch Jim Gaffigan as his guest. I start watching and Gaffigan comes out and says a few thing when BAM...Curtis Smith interrupts to tell me about the weather at what would have been about 2:25 a.m...yeah. Thanks for ruining my life again. Anyway, back to swimming. The American team got off to a good start and had the lead through the first two legs. In come Frenchies who overtook them on the third leg and had almost a full body lead going into the final 50 meters. Then the American swimmer went absolutely nuts. He came down to the final few meters and overtook the Frenchy bastard who made the arrogant comment by .08 of a second, which was a new world record along with a new record for his split time. In the words of Shaquille O'Neal: "Hey France! Tell us how our ass tastes! You may be thinking, "Oh wow Doust...2 swear words in a paragraph." Look...this is France. France sucks. France is arrogant. French athletes are chokers. Way to piss off America. We just shut our mouths and beat you when you were an odds on favorite to take gold. I want to learn French just so I can go to France and talk trash about how France sucks and how everyone there is a joke. I mean way to discover Canada. You just spread some laziness over to North America. You hear that France. Not North Francica. North AMERICA. Man do I feel patriotic right now. And to see the shock and tearful eyes of the French team was absolutely the greatest thing ever. Right next to them the Americans are going insane and celebrating while they think about how huge of a choke job they just pulled. Go drink your wine and cheese and stay out of the news until you do something noteworthy. You haven't done anything for like 290 years. Keep sucking France and we'll keep being awesome. Out.

8/8/2008

Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiittttt'ssss Friday!! I almost went to bed but felt I would bring you a rant so you don't feel like I'm starting to fall into the trap of 4 day work weeks and screwing you out of 5 days of writing. Winkler and me are going to be charting our stock picks over the next month. I'll place results of how we do either on the main page or I'll just start a new page for it. My goal is to do pretty awesome. I won't be advising you or anything, but if it goes well, I may be getting certified to do so and start working from home.

Ok so I played in a baseball game last night, most likely the last one until the Alumni Game in October. I may as well not have showed up. I came late and got put in the game late and immediately made an error, struck out with runners on base and proceeded to make the last out of our season. Great job me. And I had McDonalds for dinner last night and that's never good. I actually do much better than you would think in this regard. I rarely eat fast food anymore. The closest I get to fast food on a regular basis would be my weekly to biweekly trip to this pizza place a block from my apartment. It's homemade pizza though so it's not like it's freaking Papa Crap's or anything. Not to say it's healthy by any means, but it's healthier than all those crappy places.

Shout out to Christian Garner who's over in Iraq keeping it real. Now there's a true American bad ass. Graduate from West Point and loves cigars. Nothing says General like that. Although I'm up in the air over what uniform in the military is the best. Marines, Navy, and the Army are all pretty money. To cover my butt, I will not pick who I think looks the best....Marines. Sue me.

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